Trump announces "Taco Tuesday" will fund the border wall

After returning from a recent trip to the Mexican Border, President Donald Trump held a press conference at the White House this morning. From the Rose Garden he made a profound announcement., instead of declaring a National Emergency he declared a new National Holiday via Presidential Executive Order.

“Today is a great day, in fact this will go down as one of the best days in Presidential history. Starting next week, every Tuesday will now be a National Holiday known as “Taco Tuesday”! Since the evil Democrats will not fund essential border security I have deemed necessary. I have taken steps for alternative wall funding. With an unprecedented approach, I have created the best, biggest and possibly tastiest deal ever in the history of food service.

Each Tuesday, the best Mexican restaurant in the World, Taco Bell will be donating 50% of all “Taco Tuesday” sales to fund the Border Wall along Mexico. This deal has been months in the making with the best people and the deal, the deal is simply the best deal.”

Along with this, I have started a new unbelievable company featuring one amazing product: “Trump’s Sriracha Sauce”. This fantastic pepper based hot sauce will complement our “Taco Tuesday” deal. 33% of all profits again will go towards funding the border wall along the Mexican Border. This was developed by the White House Kitchen Staff and incorporates a proprietary blend of Pepto Bismol and Benefiber to make the overall experience unparalleled. Additionally this product is 100% “Made in the USA” by our lovely multicultural staff in the kitchens of MiraLago.”

When asked for further details on how he was able to accomplish a deal of this magnitude, President Trump responded:

“The deal almost didn’t happen, but we have the best people. The bulk of the deal in principle happened very quickly but a few details took some time to hammer out. For instance, the deal was almost signed, 99.9% complete, then I learned that Taco Bell exclusively sells Pepsi, I had to demand Diet Coke or no deal. After about a month of talks on this issue we finally agreed to Diet Coke after the possibility of another government shutdown was eluded too. I told them I’d be happy to do it.”

On a 2nd follow up to the same question, a reporter noted:

“President Trump that still doesn’t explain how Pepsico who owns Taco Bell conceded to serve Coca Cola one day a week.”

Trump simply responded:

“Art of the Deal, Art of the Deal, ……………..Art of the Deal!

“Promised fulfilled, Mexico and Mexican Culture is paying for the wall.”

When the President of Mexico, Andrés Manuel López Obrador learned of the anouncement, he made the following comment:

“Given that there is only 1 Taco Bell in the entire country of Mexico, and that is along the Tijuana Border which is exclusively serving Americans 5 minutes after the crossing the border. I’d say Mexican Culture is definitely not paying for the wall, and either is any Mexican with decent food standards.

However, Sriracha is another issue that will be brought up with the World Trade Organization.

The only other comment worth noting is that the first 1 billon raised will be spent on fixing the hole in the wall in the above picture.